Hello again! Here is you second part of how to stress less
Welcome back to article 2 of the “How to Stress Less” series. In our last lesson we established an understanding of stress, the stress response, and the need for a calming state.
If you paid attention to your stress over the past month or so, you identified the causes and your stress response. Some of your stress was productive stress, but I’m willing to bet that many of you entered into the distress zone.
Today, we’re going to identify 4 different and equally debilitating categories of stress. As you check over your list, you will probably be able to put each stress event into one of these four categories.
The first one we’ll discuss is environmental stress. Environmental stress is caused by a stressor that you absolutely cannot control. Examples are: traffic jams, lines at the fast-food take-out window, airport delays and of course weather conditions.
There is simply nothing that you can do about any of these. You can either reframe the experience, or simply let it go. A very simple, yet effective way to reframe the stress is to say something like this to yourself: “It’s just a traffic jam. Thank goodness I’m not involved in a real catastrophe. I can use this time to listen to my favorite book on tape, learn a new language (CD’s available), listen to music, or better yet, do some deep breathing exercises to restore my sense of calm. Accept the environmental stressors for what they are. Do not give your energy away to something that you cannot influence.
The second category of stress is work related stress.
Let’s face it, in this economy, all employees are expected to do more with less. In the business world, the push for increased profits and more revenue is real. In helping professions, it seems that more and more people ask for and even demand more of our services. Needs are up, appreciation is down. And funding sources are threatened to be cut daily. Work related stress often happens because we have to respond to someone else’s expectations – like Audrey did in the first section of our stress less article.
Here are 3 quick tips for work related stress:
- Learn to prioritize your work. And if you don’t know what is most important, then ask your boss – she does.
- Do not wait for positive feedback from others. Learn to give yourself a daily dose of positive feedback about the work you do.
- Make sure that your job is stimulating enough, but not beyond your capabilities. Do what you need to do to work toward a job that keeps you motivated.
The third category is relationship stress.
Relationship stress is a result of our interactions with other people. We often feel disappointed, let down, frustrated, confused, sad, or angry when we experience relationship stress. Most relationship stress is a result of poor communication. The best way to alleviate relationship stress is to learn and employ effective communication strategies. Here are a few ideas that might help as you explore your stress caused by relationship issues.
1) Own your part in contributing to the problem. Most people like to point their finger in blame. What we need to realize is that when we do that, three of our fingers are pointing back to us. Examine your role in the situation.
2) Get off your point of view and look at the situation from a new viewing point. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
3) Set boundaries – get really clear about what you will tolerate in a relationship and what you won’t. Then live by these principles.
Self-imposed stress:
For most of us, the stress we put on ourselves is the most common of all. It is so easy to spend energy comparing ourselves against an impossible performance standard, instead of acknowledging our unique gifts. I call this the “should” stress. We find ourselves saying over and over again,
“I should do this.”
“I should do that.”
“A good parent, spouse, friend, would – you fill in the blank – “
Self-talk is very difficult to change, but certainly not impossible. The first step is to recognize the “voice” when we hear it. Then re-frame your inner talk. Instead of thinking,
“I am such a bad daughter; I haven’t called my mother all week.” You might say, “I haven’t called my mother all week AND, when I do we’re going to catch up on what she wants to talk about.”
or
“I’m never going to learn this new software program. I’m too old to be learning new stuff like this every day.” Instead try, “This new software program is more difficult for me than for the younger employees who grew in the computer age. I’ve learned a lot and with a little patience and perseverance, I’ll get it.”
Over the next week, try categorizing your stressors into one of these four areas, then choose one area to work on improving. By raising your consciousness regarding the stress category, you will take positive steps in reducing the stress in your life.
Next week, we’ll take a look at some techniques for discovering calm.
And until next week, stress less!
